President Bashar will see you now!

Reports say that the fighting in Damascus is now “visible from the Presidential Palace,” which has prompted me to take you, my reader, on an exclusive tour of it. If the violence culminates in a revolution, the fall of the Presidential Palace would symbolize the endgame, so seizing it will become a prime objective. (But I wouldn’t expect a last stand there: that would take place far away, in the Alawite regions in the north of the country.)

So climb in the official limo, ascend the mountain, traverse the long boulevard, and enter the inner sanctum of the Assad regime! All you have to do is click here. Oh, you’re alarmed by that gunfire echoing down the marble-clad corridors? Pay no mind! The people love their leader!